Domestic Abuse

By:Kadian Grant

When I was growing up there was a lot of woman around me that was being abused by their spouse and people just saw it as nothing .I have seen people that have been seriously injured are killed because of domestic abuse and nothing came out of it, because its ok to hit thats what most of us have been taught,its a cycle that hard to break and until we educate ourselves and realize the effect it has on our lives the cycle will continue .

Victims of domestic violence by intimate partners are five to eight times more likely to be women than men.Domestic abuse between spouses or intimate partners is when one person in the relationship tries to control the other person. The perpetrator uses fear and intimidation and may threaten to or actually use physical violence. The victim of domestic abuse or domestic violence may be a man or a woman. Domestic abuse occurs in traditional heterosexual marriages, as well as in same-sex partnerships. The abuse may occur during a relationship, while the couple is breaking up, or after the relationship has ended.Domestic abuse often escalates from threats and verbal abuse to physical violence. Domestic violence may even end up in murder.
The types of domestic abuse :

• Physical abuse (domestic violence)
• Verbal or nonverbal abuse (psychological, mental, or emotional abuse)
• Sexual abuse
• Stalking
• Economic abuse or financial abuse
• Spiritual abuse

Physical abuse is the use of physical force against another in a way that ends up injuring that person or putting him or her at risk of being injured. Physical abuse ranges from physical restraint to murder. Physical assault or physical battering is a crime, whether it occurs inside or outside the family. The police are empowered to protect you from physical attack.

Physical abuse includes:

• Pushing, throwing, tripping.
• Slapping, hitting, punching, kicking.
• Grabbing, choking, shaking.
• Pinching, biting.
• Holding, restraining, confinement.
• Assault with a weapon.
• Burning or freezing.
• Throwing things.

Mental, psychological, or emotional abuse can be verbal or nonverbal. Verbal or nonverbal abuse of a spouse or intimate partner consists of more subtle actions or behaviors than physical abuse. While physical abuse might seem worse, the scars of verbal and emotional abuse are deep. Its been said that verbal or nonverbal abuse can be much more emotionally damaging than physical abuse.

Verbal or nonverbal abuse of a spouse or intimate partner may include:

• Threatening or intimidating to gain compliance.
• Destruction of the victim’s personal property and possessions, or threats to do so.
• Violence to an animal or object (such as a wall or piece of furniture) in the presence of their partner, as a way of instilling fear.
• Yelling, screaming, name-calling.
• Shaming, mocking, or criticizing the victim, either alone or in front of others.
• Possessiveness, isolation from friends and family.
• Blaming the victim for how the abuser acts or feels.
• Telling the victim that they are worthless on their own.
• Making the victim feel that there is no way out of the relationship.

Sexual abuse often is linked to physical abuse, abusers who are physically violent toward their intimate partners are often sexually violent as well. Furthermore, women who are both physically and sexually abused are at a higher risk of being seriously injured or killed.

Sexual abuse includes:

• Sexual assault – Forcing someone to participate in unwanted, unsafe, or degrading sexual activity.
• Sexual harassment – Using unwanted sexual advances to gain power over someone.
• Sexual exploitation – Examples include forcing someone to look at pornography or participate in pornographic film making.
• stalking is any unwanted contact between two people that directly or indirectly communicates a threat or places the victim in fear.” Stalking of an intimate partner can take place during the relationship—with intense monitoring of the partner’s activities—or after a break-up. The stalker may be trying to get their partner back, or they may wish to harm their ex as punishment for the break-up.
• Stalkers uses a number of threatening tactics, including:
• Making repeated phone calls, sometimes with hang-ups.
• Following and tracking the victim (possibly even with a global positioning device).
• Sending unwanted packages, cards, gifts, or letters.
• Monitoring the victim’s phone calls or computer use.
• Watching the victim with hidden cameras.
• Contacting friends, family, co-workers, or neighbors for information about the victim.
• Using public records, online searching, or paid investigators to find their victim.
• Threatening to hurt the victim or their family, friends, or pets.
• Going through the victim’s possessions or garbage.
• Damaging the victim’s home, car, or other property.

Stalking is unpredictable and should always be considered dangerous. Stalking can end in violence whether or not the stalker threatens to harm you. This can happen even if the stalker has no history of violence. Additionally, female stalkers are just as likely to become violent as are male stalkers. Those around the stalking victim are also in danger of being hurt. For instance, a parent, spouse, or bodyguard who makes the stalking victim unattainable may be hurt or killed as the stalker pursues the object of his or her obsession.
Seek help immediately if someone is tracking you, contacting you when you do not wish to have contact, or frightening you.

Economic or financial abuse includes:

• Withholding money or credit cards.
• Stealing from or defrauding a partner of money or assets.
• Exploiting the intimate partner’s resources for personal gain.
• Withholding physical resources such as food, clothes, necessary medications, or shelter.
• Preventing the spouse or intimate partner from working or choosing an occupation.
• Spiritual abuse includes:
• Using the spouse’s or intimate partner’s religious or spiritual beliefs to manipulate them.
• Preventing the partner from practicing their religious or spiritual beliefs.
• Ridiculing the other person’s religious or spiritual beliefs.

Forcing the children to be reared in a faith that the partner has not agreed to
In conclusion there are many signs of an abusive relationship. The primary sign is fear of your partner. Other signs include a partner who belittles you or tries to control you, and feelings of self-loathing, numbness, helplessness, and desperation. If you are in an abusive relationship get help.

What are the causes of domestic abuse or domestic violence?
An individual who was abused as a child or exposed to domestic violence in the household while growing up is at an increased risk of becoming either an abuser or the abused in his or her adult relationships. In this way, domestic violence and abuse is transmitted from one generation to the next. This cycle of domestic violence is difficult to break because parents have presented abuse as the norm.

Other factors that can lead to domestic abuse include:

• Stress
• Economic hardship
• Depression
• Jealousy
• Mental illness
• Substance abuse

The adverse effects of domestic violence or abuse can be very long-lasting. People who have been abused by a spouse or intimate partner often suffer from:

• Depression
• Anxiety attacks
• Low self-esteem
• Lack of trust in others
• Feelings of abandonment
• Anger
• Sensitivity to rejection
• Chronic health problems
• Sleeping problems
• Inability to work
• Poor relationships
• Substance abuse

In addition to these problems, physical abuse may result in serious injury or death if the victim does not leave the relationship.We need to respect ourselves and teach our son’s and daughter that abuse of any kind is not right lets break the cycle.

Author: Kadian Grant is a child & youth worker who help kids and teens to set and achive goals, from full-time mom of 2 to worker, she started working with youths in1995 to help them deal with the sometimes overwhelming prospect of life. (she helps them to overcome their problem or achieve their goal). To contact her, please send your emails to ksgrant1@hotmail.com