by: Lia Thomas
It goes without saying that looking for love in 2005 is like looking for gold in gold less mountains. Seriously! You go to the bars and clubs in the hope that you will hit it rich. Sometimes you strike what seems like the pot of gold, but after turning over a few gold coins you come to the realization that your pot of gold is nothing but ‘fools gold’.
A few times of finding fools gold instead of true gold can leave anyone a bit disheartened, but don’t stop looking just yet. Here are a few tips that might help you to spot true love in 2005.
What does love look like to you?
In a world where the media often dictates what love SHOULD look like, it is sometimes difficult to discern what it should look like, to YOU. The media, whether it be television which spits out images of thug like guys with money to burn, or magazines which heighten the need to grab any available black man because of a growing shortage-, persuades us to subscribe to its version of true love. However, no matter what lie they spin, in the end what matters is YOUR vision of love. At some point in life, one has to sit down and examine ones idea of love. Ask yourself: what does love look like to me? What type of love have I been attracting to myself? Is my view of love realistic, and if not, how can I change it so that it is more tangible, for ME?
One way to do this is to make a note of all the guys that you have dated in the past. Think of all the things that attracted you to these guys. Chances are, you may find that the things that you were attracted to, were superficial and fell right into the media’s version of love. Look a little bit deeper than the physical and material attributes. Look at the things that will help love to last longer. Emotional stability, an understanding of self as well as others, actions which promote patience and the ability to stick through tough times, are a few positive attributes that can be associated with a man who knows something about ‘true love’.
What do you NEED in YOUR man?
Think about it: what do you NEED in your man? Be careful not to confuse a want, with a need. You may want your man to be six feet tall, with bulging muscles, a wad of cash and acrobatic moves in the bedroom. But those things are wants, not needs. A need is often that intangible quality that helps you to move from simply surviving, to living healthily inwardly, and outwardly as well. For instance, if you are not good at communicating your thoughts, maybe a man who is willing to take the time to help you to be a better communicator is key for/to you. In the same breath, this man may not be good at expressing himself in an affectionate way and you may very well be able to help bring out the best part of him.
Of course, you will not be choosing him ONLY because he fulfills most of your needs, but you should be mindful of whether he would be able to provide you with the things that are most important to you. Think about what your NEEDS are. Be honest with yourself and be willing to surrender not only the best but also the worst part of yourself to love.
Forget about their fireworks; build YOUR raging fire from scratch
Forget about the fireworks! Yup, fire works go off in every movie that you see, and every romance novel that you read. In movies and novels, the fire work syndrome appears when the heroine has that flash of clarity just after seeing her hero, and she gets this mind tingling revelation that ‘he is the one!’. Don’t fall for this ploy. Instead, think about the type of relationship that would require building YOUR own raging fire, from scratch.
Take the time to gather materials of love that you can use to build your fire. Do you need to strip away lust filled fantasies, or the many untruths about what love ‘should be’? Do what you NEED to do in order to unearth love, and in doing so you will see what true love looks like.
Truly love yourself FIRST
Love begins on the inside. It really does. Sometimes the biggest struggle is to love your self. Having said that, take the TIME to love your self. Know that you don’t have to fit society’s mold of beauty. Know that you have much more to give than your booty and what’s between your legs. Expand your interest. Find out about the things that excite you, and do them just because. Discover all that you can about you. This way, when a potential mate asks you about what you want and need in a mate, you will be able to answer from your heart, and not with your eyes.
So ladies, next time you go hunting, know what you are looking for, and be willing to stand by YOUR word, not someone else’s. Be willing to go for the heart, instead of the gold. You may be surprised to discover at how much more wealthier you will be, if you do!
copyright@liathomas 4-22-05
